All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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