I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
