I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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