Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
