you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
