Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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