I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize