matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
