I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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