bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
