I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
