You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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