So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
