haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
