He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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