how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
