just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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