So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
