apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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