my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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