i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
