just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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