So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
