I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
