my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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