I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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