i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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