Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My nipple is on Facebook.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
