he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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