I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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