Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's get the cat blown out
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
