So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
