Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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