so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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