hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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