well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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