This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
