I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
