this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
