Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
