new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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