I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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