Screwed.edu
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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