I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
