i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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