Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
