If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
