smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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