The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I smell stomach acid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize