I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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