I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
