It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
