walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
