Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
