i need an iv and a liver transplant
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
