mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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