Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
