Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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