If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
