drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
