Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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