I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
