I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
