Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
