omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
