Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You ruined the universe
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
