Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
