I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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