Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
