Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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