is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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