I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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