We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
