I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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