he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
